LIVING WITH TYPE A’s: CHILDREN’S SELF-ESTEEM
A fair amount of recent research attention has been paid to the Type A pattern as it occurs in women. More and more women in our culture are displaying Type A characteristics, a phenomenon that is certainly related to the increased complexity of contemporary female roles. More than 50 percent of American women now work outside the home, and approximately 44 percent of all women in the United States with school-age children are employed. Studies have shown that, for most women, employment outside the home does not lessen perceived or actual responsibility for running the household and performing domestic tasks; women just add employment to their other responsibilities. One study reported that employed women spend as many as 80 to 120 hours a week working in their combined domestic and career roles.
The result is increased time urgency, irritability, reactivity to stress, and feelings of urgency about the need to control one's environment. Such women also tend to drive themselves with perfectionistic demands to ensure that their spouses and children suffer no inconveniences because of their career involvements. In short, such women are at risk of escalating Type A patterns as their lives become more complex.
Most spouses of Type A persons (even spouses who are Type A themselves) worry about the effect their mates Type A reactivity will have on their children. And well they should. Type A individuals do tend to parent in ways that foster Type A reactions in children:
They react to children's behavior more often with critical comments than with nurturing and praising comments.
Then tend to perceive children as stressors.
They often feel that they lack (and sometimes they do lack) skills needed to communicate effectively with and deal with children.
They tend to project their own insecurities onto their children, conveying the message that the children need to perform well enough to make up for their lack of self-esteem.
Such parenting can damage children's self-esteem. But even if a couple's children have healthy and positive personalities, many aspects of the Type A behavior pattern can result in lessened marital and family intimacy. For example, the overstressed Type A spouse may not notice or remember the details of the family's daily or weekly activities, like a wife's medical appointment or a son's math test. As a result, the Type A might simply forget to inquire about or comment on how things are going in the other person's life.
The Type A's own high standards of performance and shaky self-esteem might lead to undue embarrassment over the physical appearance or behaviors of loved ones—as if their characteristics or actions were somehow a reflection of the Type A's personal worth. The result is a critical approach rather than a nurturing, supportive approach to the family.
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