THE IMPORTANCE OF HAVING SEX

Throughout my youth and teenage years, I was led to believe that 'all you need is love' and communication. These two ingredients would form the recipe of an everlasting relationship. Sexual intercourse, as an expression of love and as an important ingredient in a long-term relationship, was, due to awkwardness, never discussed or explained to me in this light. Love is an important ingredient in a relationship, but it rates third in importance behind communication and sex. People recognise their compatibility with another person by spending time together and communicating. Affection may develop as a result. Physical compatibility in the form of sexual relations should deepen this affection. A healthy relationship, with good communication at all levels, combined with regular, enjoyable sexual intercourse, will give you the best opportunity to build a solid foundation upon which love will develop and thrive.
The more times you are divorced, the higher your statistical chances of another divorce. After your third marriage, you have an 80 per cent chance of your marriage ending in divorce. What's more, society makes it simple and acceptable to divorce. Many couples are unprepared for marriage and may rely on the assurance that 'if this marriage doesn't work, there's always divorce and I can try again.'
Clearly, our society's idea of a recipe for marriage is not working. We are not properly taught how to prepare for marriage. How society trains us to cherish and eventually choose a partner for marriage needs to be revised and methods for training material in this area need to be developed. Some marriage ideas advocated by the religious Jewish community may be useful as general information. Some of these teachings are biblical. However, since the divorce rate in the Australian Jewish community is less than three per cent, perhaps there is something that can be learned from their views on marriage.
Judaism, as do many other cultures and religions, emphasises family unity and strength. This, in itself, encourages to some degree a high level of communication within a relationship based on faith. From a relationship point of view, many Jewish religious traditions emphasise maintaining a healthy sex life. An interesting element that may be a crucial part of this tradition is 'forced abstinence'.

The benefits of forced abstinence
Religious Jews call forced abstinence the 'laws of Nidah'. It can also be seen as 'time out'. Conservative Jews believe that each month, from the first moment of menstruation until seven days after, a woman is regarded as being 'spiritually unclean'. Her husband is not allowed to have sexual intercourse with her, nor are they allowed to do anything else sexually. Small indulgences may result in sex, or, even more frustratingly, they may result in sex being denied. Such 'indulgences' include kissing, physically touching one another, or even appearing 'sexually devious'. During this period, it is prescribed that couples should not see each other's nakedness. Judaism even recommends that partners should sleep in different beds during this period of time.
For most people, and particularly non-Jews, many of these precepts may be incomprehensible. However, the principle of self-discipline in dealing with sex is clear. If we don't discipline ourselves regarding sex, we tend to take our partner and sexual intimacy for granted.
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