AGING AND PERSONALITY: RETRAINING YOUR THINKING
Use the research to school yourself in a new way of thinking about "old age." The personality changes called "natural" to getting older are far from natural at any age. Being bored or self-absorbed or unhappy has nothing to do with being over sixty-five.
Monitor your negative thoughts. Each time you think "A person of my age has to be bored," catch yourself: "I'm unhappy not because I'm seventy-five, but because right now I'm not doing anything that grabs me emotionally." Stop thinking "Depression is the price of living to eighty" and label your mental state for what it is: "I am dissatisfied now because of X, Y, and Z in my life." The advantage of this new way of thinking is that it stops you from throwing up your hands. If something what bothers you is in your situation and not basic to you, you can do something about making a change.
Being sixty-five or eighty-five is far from tantamount to having an unhappy life. Older people are not less happy. Many say they prefer now to any other time of life. Getting older may lessen our anxiety; it seems to strengthen us emotionally in facing stress. Take advantage of the inner strength you have accumulated in years of living to utilize the opportunities for personal growth that are out there for you. Search out the fulfilling experiences that are so necessary to feeling happy and involved at any time of life.
Understand that you do have options. If you are in the grip of learned helplessness, this may mean changing another ingrained idea: "Nothing exists for a person my age. What I can do is severely limited. There is little chance of having a life that expresses my inner self." This way of thinking is also untrue.
There is a widespread idea that the world offers few meaningful opportunities to older people, perhaps because important identities through which we have found meaning, such as "raising my children," are indeed gone. But there are replacements, new identities that can be developed, new ways of getting satisfaction from life. As we get older, what expands is the potential for expressing oneself as a person apart from the traditional roles of "mother" or "breadwinner." A whole new set of choices opens up because the old roles that took all our energy are over (or less all encompassing). Some of these choices are age restricted. They become possible only after age sixty or sixty-five (or fifty).
Don't cut yourself off from opportunities for "senior citizens" or "retirees" because they conjure up images of doddering people in wheelchairs. You'll be surprised at the effort devoted to self-enhancement, the high quality of what is going on, and the interesting people who are not inhibited about taking advantage of what is newly available once society defines them as "senior citizens." Considering that today "senior citizen" is a label likely to apply to people for twenty years or more, it far from means waiting in the wings for death.
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