Generic Florinef

RETRAINING THINKING WITH AGING: ANALYZING LIFE AND GETTING CONFIDANTS IN PLANS

Systematically analyze your life. After reframing your attitudes you need to decide what specific directions to pursue. Drawing on the research on "identities" discussed earlier, begin by getting an overall sense of how well your current life fits your inner self. List your most meaningful roles, your prized traits and skills, and the aspects of yourself you value most (e.g., musician, good cook, giving person, organizer). Assess how much time you actually spend enacting these most meaningful identities. Then devise specific strategies to increase this time. "I think I could devote at least five more hours a week to my music if I did X, Y, and Z." "If I invited guests for dinner at the house each Sunday, I could really indulge that most adored activity in my life - preparing gourmet meals.'' ''That volunteer job helping the homeless find shelter and negotiate the system seems tailor-made to satisfy my need to give to others and draw on my talents as an organizer."
If your list of current meaningful identities seems meager, this is a signal that you need to construct new compelling roles. Evaluate your present life. Are there interests, activities, new roles you haven't attempted but think you might enjoy? What has stopped you from trying these new things - inertia, fear, your feeling that chance just isn't out there? Would you prefer to do something new where meeting people is likely, or don't you care about that?
Although you certainly can develop totally new identities, the research also shows that in many ways we don't change that much. The things you used to enjoy doing are the things you are most likely to enjoy now. So, if you are unsure what could have meaning, think about what has had meaning before. Carefully explore your past. Imagine yourself in your teens, your twenties, your thirties, and so on. What special interests consumed you? Are there aspirations you have always wanted to fulfill? What were your talents or skills, your greatest pleasures? Are there things you have always wanted to do but never got the chance to try? What barriers prevented you from doing them then? Would the same inhibitions or external difficulties keep you from fulfilling these dreams now?
Remembering what used to interest you is helpful if you go blank when thinking about anything that could give you pleasure now. If every new possibility makes you yawn or just seems too hard, forcing yourself to do something that used to excite you can sometimes prime the emotional pump. When we begin by going through the motions of doing something that used to thrill us but that we can't imagine enjoying now, an emotional connection is sometimes remade. Almost magically, the good feeling starts flowing again.
Even if you are sure what directions you want to pursue, this exercise may be revealing. It is easy to overlook other things you might enjoy. Reviewing your life also helps you plan realistically, by getting you to pinpoint your lifelong strengths and weaknesses, the things you know you can do or would be too frightened to do. Because these aspects of personality are also likely to stay the same, they should be respected, or we may be doomed to fail in attempting anything new. Your job is to make the difficult task of constructing new identities as easy as possible emotionally and to use any strategy that has been helpful to you in the past to get you going in arranging a more fulfilling life.

Get confidants involved in your plan. Take into consideration the other point the research makes: having someone who supports you will help. If you have good friends, feel free to lean on them. Don't listen to well-meaning loved ones who tell you it is inappropriate to go back to school, or work, or "exert'' yourself at your age. If loneliness and isolation are important problems for you, choose something new that involves meeting people who could be potential confidants. Concentrate your search on places and activities where you have a good chance of making friendships. Many opportunities for "retirees" or "senior citizens" have a built-in social component. People participate both because they want to do new things and because they are looking for a more socially enriching life.

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GENERAL HEALTH

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