ADJUSTING YOUR LOVEMAKING TO AGING
Because erections occur less spontaneously, your partner should manually stimulate your penis; you both should plan to enjoy, not feel threatened by, the age-related slowing down of erection. Enjoy the preliminaries - stroking, touching and kissing. Reorder your priorities. What leads up to intercourse should no longer be viewed as foreplay but as one centerpiece in a total sensuous experience.
Do not set yourself up for disappointment by fantasizing about a day spent in bed making love. Don't give up your plan. Look forward to it in a realistic way. If, after intercourse, you cannot get a second erection, don't get anxious and try to force yourself. Spend the rest of the day enjoying each other's caresses, or try a new sensual activity that does not depend on repeatedly getting erect.
Do not drink too much and then expect to have sex as usual or have intercourse when you are exhausted or preoccupied. When you were in your twenties your sexual system may have been resilient enough to withstand these stressful conditions. It is more fragile now. Plan your lovemaking for when you feel best. This may mean switching from a routine of sex after the eleven o'clock news to sex at 8:00 A.M., as long as neither you nor your partner has to be at the office by nine. Be able to focus your full attention on one another, not on being tired, or on having to get dressed in fifteen minutes, or on a meeting an hour from now.
Occasional sexual difficulties are normal for almost every man. If a problem occurs during a sexual experience, don't devalue everything. Ask yourself if you enjoyed what did happen. Then explain what you did feel to your partner: ''Having an orgasm is great, but it's not everything. I still enjoyed our sex thoroughly."
Keep in mind that a slower erection has its benefits. Women need time to get excited. They don't relish the one-minute-to-orgasm experience that nature forces on many men in their twenties. Take comfort that in middle and later life you may be physiologically more in tune with your lover than ever before. The effects of age on your performance can also force you to be a more sensitive lover. They may push you to be creative, to expand your sexual repertoire from "intercourse as usual" to more varied things (if you have not done so before).
View problems as a challenge, not a defeat. If you are having trouble getting an erection, stimulate your lover to orgasm manually. Get a sex manual. Try lovemaking techniques that do not involve intercourse. If your erection is not fully hard, have your partner lubricate herself with a lovemaking oil to make penetration easier. Massage each other with the oil. Use your problem as a chance to enjoy a new sexual experience. (For erection problems, sex therapists recommend another technique that sometimes primes the pump. The man "stuffs" his limp penis into his partner's vagina. Sometimes the sensation of being in the warm, moist vagina can produce a full erection.)
A relaxed attitude, the ability talk with your partner, and being open to trying new things is crucial. Flexibility, full communication, physical and mental openness are important to having satisfying sex at any age. They become even more critical in later life. Here, from the Consumers Union study, are some testimonials to serve as inspiration. Even severe erection problems need not be a deterrent to a rich, full sex life.
*60/159/5*
GENERAL HEALTH
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